Another Christmas without Shane

As Christmas comes and goes, I realize that it never gets easier. I missed Shane more than ever this year. I hung stocking for the first time last year and to remember Shane I wrote him a letter and stuck it into his stocking. I did it again this year. It seams as though it is the only moment I have just with him. Although I am surrounded by family, the holidays I feel so alone. No one mentions him much and all I can do is think about all he brought to Christmas and how much I miss him. I missed candlelighting ( I go to New Hope Church every year to light a candle in memory of Shane, Roses in December) this year too. We celebrated Christmas with my family that day, but the time everyone had left it was about 10 til 6, candlelighting was at 6. I really contiplated going to it, but knew I would be going alone. I have gone alone before, but this year, I just didn't have it in me to go alone. I decorated Shane's grave with candy canes and candies with a tree and a wreath. I know he loved it. I reflected on my stepsister, who just lost her son this August and how painful this xmas will be for her.
I have to say, I am glad another holiday season is over.