Music of my Heart!

Shane died at the age of 14. When I dream of him he often comes to me at this age. The age where I would hold and cuddle him as a baby.

You can visit Shane at

Saturday, January 3, 2009

My Place!

There is a place that waits for me,
Where all my emotions can be set free.
I look forward to it, as you can see,
Because all of my emotions build up inside of me.
My little space, I can be alone.
I feel my loss alot deeper, and there I'm alone.
I can cry as much as I want. as the water hits my face.
Sometimes I sit in the corner in my 3 x 3 space.
Although at the same time, my body gets clean,
It helps to cleanse my heart, and to remember my teen.
So I will cherish this place, just between you and me,
I wish there were more places, my heart could be free.
Written by me!

Friday, January 2, 2009

A New Year!

I didn't know how much the new year would impact me. I guess I don't remember from year to year how painful the new year can be. Maybe it is because a new year has started without Shane. Maybe it is because each year that passes he becomes farther away. Maybe because the new year means the pain is suppose to lessen, and it does not. I cannot pinpoint any one certain thing, or maybe it is all combined. I cry over every little thing, I'm sure my husband thinks I'm losing my mind. Sometimes I think I am. I just know that another year has passed that I haven't had my Shane. I remember saying, I wouldn't survive one year and here I am.
I am not the women I once was, I am a mother who has lost. With that I became a totally different person. One who may be more sensitive to that song on the radio. One who may cry over things that other people don't understand. One who doesn't trust life won't throw her another devistating curve ball. I am no longer the person I was before and the new year reminds me of that.

Listen to In Memory of Shane

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To all who mourn…he will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the Lord has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for his own glory. …I cannot remain silent. I will not stop praying for her until her righteousness shines like the dawn, and her salvation blazes like a burning torch.” Isaiah 61:1-2a, 3 & 62:1b NLT
“…that time of darkness and despair will not go on forever. The people who walk in darkness will see a great light… For God will break the chains that bind his people…” Isaiah 9:1a, 2a, 4a NLT