Music of my Heart!

Shane died at the age of 14. When I dream of him he often comes to me at this age. The age where I would hold and cuddle him as a baby.

You can visit Shane at

Friday, January 2, 2009

A New Year!

I didn't know how much the new year would impact me. I guess I don't remember from year to year how painful the new year can be. Maybe it is because a new year has started without Shane. Maybe it is because each year that passes he becomes farther away. Maybe because the new year means the pain is suppose to lessen, and it does not. I cannot pinpoint any one certain thing, or maybe it is all combined. I cry over every little thing, I'm sure my husband thinks I'm losing my mind. Sometimes I think I am. I just know that another year has passed that I haven't had my Shane. I remember saying, I wouldn't survive one year and here I am.
I am not the women I once was, I am a mother who has lost. With that I became a totally different person. One who may be more sensitive to that song on the radio. One who may cry over things that other people don't understand. One who doesn't trust life won't throw her another devistating curve ball. I am no longer the person I was before and the new year reminds me of that.

1 comment:

sasha naomi said...

I wanted to let you know that, though with each passing year Shane is further away from us, he is not forgotten. I thought about him with the turn of the year, and he is not forgotten by others, either. Your pain is greatest, but we are all here to share with you in anything that comes our ways.

And Shane is further away from us with each passing year, but I also like to think that each year I live I am getting closer to him, closer to one day seeing him again.

LOVE YOU. I hope this year brings us no surprises, no more loss, and though I can't keep that from happening, I cherish those who are not gone yet (you and mom!) and love you guys like there's no tomorrow!

Listen to In Memory of Shane

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To all who mourn…he will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the Lord has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for his own glory. …I cannot remain silent. I will not stop praying for her until her righteousness shines like the dawn, and her salvation blazes like a burning torch.” Isaiah 61:1-2a, 3 & 62:1b NLT
“…that time of darkness and despair will not go on forever. The people who walk in darkness will see a great light… For God will break the chains that bind his people…” Isaiah 9:1a, 2a, 4a NLT