Music of my Heart!

Shane died at the age of 14. When I dream of him he often comes to me at this age. The age where I would hold and cuddle him as a baby.

You can visit Shane at

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Is remembering your child dwelling or love?

I recently was told that I constantly dwell on my sons death and doing so is only depressing me and my family. Now this person barely knows me, but with that said, I felt compelled to reflect on that comment .
If you are a mother who has lost a child, I would love for you to leave a comment. Now, not a day goes by that I don't think of my son, Shane. I post pictures of him, when I feel impelled to do so, usually around his birthday and the anniversary of his death. On his birthday, I put together an afternoon with friends and family of music, we release butterflies and balloons after which all of his family goes out to eat to celebrate Shane's birthday. I also paint portraits of him, as he is not the only one I have painted, I have painted everyone in my family practically. I also have a Scholarship in his memory "Shane Ellis Southmont Band Scholarship" that I give out every year to a graduating senior. Finally the Shane Marches on Foundation, an instrument program that takes donated instruments and reconditions them and is loaned out to children who are in financial need.
I don't know about how you feel about this. But when I reflect on all I do, I feel I just am showing how much he was loved by us, family and friends, and that we always will remember him and that dwelling is never been a word that I would ever describe LOVE as Dwelling. But if Loving, and Remember is the same as Dwelling......Then I am Dwelling!!!!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

World Wide Candlelighting

Tonight I sit all dressed up with your photo that is in a sterling glass locket that hangs around my neck. I was heading to church to light a candle for you, only to find out it has been cancelled, due to the weather. This year has been an extremely difficult one and I don't even know for sure why. It seems so long since you left me, but at the same the hurt in my heart is still fresh and new. I just wanted that one hour with you. Just me and you, to reflect, to feel you, to remember, in a room where it is ok to remember, where you don't feel quite so alone. To shine a light that you could possibly see, and to listen to music you could possibly hear. I love you and miss you so much my baby only you know the depth of it. I long to be with you and can't wait to see you and hold you in my arms again. At 7:00 p.m., I will be meeting your Aunt Bridget, here on the net and at the same time we will reflect and light a candle, anyway. There will be, only your music, that we will be hearing. I love you and miss you always. <3>

Friday, November 5, 2010

Missing YOU!

As the holiday approaches, I anticipate the emptiness of you not here. I love you and miss you more than ever. Mommy

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Mothers Day

As the week and month is going by and my schedule is overwelmingly busy, I guess still in my mind I know Mothers Day is approaching. Mothers Day has alway been very difficult and I know most of my family doesn't even give it a second thought. I am a mother a mother of 2. Having one child in heaven makes Mothers Day bittersweet. But I will try to grasp on to my son, Dustin, and love and cherish him as long as I live until the one day when I will have a Mothers Day in heaven too:) I love my sons on this Mothers Day and every day. I am blessed to have Dustin and blessed to have had Shane. Dustin Dwayne Ellis and Shane Ryan Ellis...(((((HUGS)))))

Sunday, April 11, 2010

In A Dream!!

My niece Sasha posted a dream about Shane on her blog. If you are interested in reading it please visit her blog...God Bless you Sasha.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

My Child Does Live On......

The night the Dr. came into Shane's room and said "We did all we could do" forever changed our lives.
That night the numbers on all of the monitors Shane had connected to him had stayed pretty stable. I had only slept 4 hours in the last 6 days. I thought tonight is the night I will rest. I sat in the very uncomfortable chair that had been in Shane's room and found a position that I thought now I might sleep at least for a little. I looked at all of the monitors, but they fell out of focus. I was so very exhausted that I couldn't see any of the numbers on the moniters at all anymore. I slowly drifted as if there was hope, hope for tomarrow, hope for a recover, hope for Shane's eyes to open, hope for him to say "Mommy".
Shane had survived 6 days since the accident, he was on the journey of recovery, so I thought. He had the front part of his right frontal brain removed and yet I don't think it registered completely what that loss was going to effect. I know he would remember me, anyway, how could he not, We had a such a strong love and connection, there is no possible way he wouldn't remember me, I remember thinking. But I knew the loss of that part of his brain could effect his memory, but I was in denial of that, as I was of most of what had happened that week. As I was dozing off that night I could hear the moniter numbers changing, The sounds were not ordinary and I immediately was able to focus, like I had slept for days even though I never slept at all. That is when the Dr. came in.
That night Alex had went and laid down. I sat there alone in disbelief that the journey of Shane's recovery was ending. I couldn't take this news alone and although Alex was only asleep for a short time I needed him. He needed to know. After I woke him, we sat with Shane and wept. We spent all through the night. Just me, Alex and Shane. Trying to come to some sort of terms with what was happening, as if that is at all possible, weeping at his bedside. Some where through the night in our most intense grief, I looked across Shane's bed at my husband and said "Do you think he could be an organ donor" Part of me couldn't believe I had just said that. Why, I even thought that was beyond me.
The morning had came and that is when we would face the family and have to tell them and my precious other son, Dustin. That we were going to lose our precious son Shane. Later in the day I had pulled Dustin aside and asked him about organ donation. His response was Shane would do anything I would do and I would definately be an organ donor. What giving boys I have. When IOPO approached us, we had already decided that we would donate Shane's organs if we could. They treated us with utmost gentleness. I write this story in honor Donate Life Indiana Day!
Shane donated both kidneys, his liver and heart valves and lives on.

Love Shane's Mom
This story is dedicated to Cindy Parkison - Shanes Liver Recipient - With Utmost Love

Monday, October 12, 2009

My Shooting Star

The "northern star", a star so bright in the sky, with a long battle to endure. All the stars in the sky are drawn to it, whether they know it or not. It is the brightest star, with a long suffering to endure. It is so bright it draws all the stars to it, it is strong in the galaxy and all stars are touched by its strength.
Then there is the shooting star, a star with a short battle, it's is still very bright and has a huge amount of strength, but the other stars only see it for a brief moment, but then it disappears.

No matter how long the battle short or long, the star is a star, both bright, beautiful and loved.

Listen to In Memory of Shane

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To all who mourn…he will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the Lord has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for his own glory. …I cannot remain silent. I will not stop praying for her until her righteousness shines like the dawn, and her salvation blazes like a burning torch.” Isaiah 61:1-2a, 3 & 62:1b NLT
“…that time of darkness and despair will not go on forever. The people who walk in darkness will see a great light… For God will break the chains that bind his people…” Isaiah 9:1a, 2a, 4a NLT