Mothers Day

As the week and month is going by and my schedule is overwelmingly busy, I guess still in my mind I know Mothers Day is approaching. Mothers Day has alway been very difficult and I know most of my family doesn't even give it a second thought. I am a mother a mother of 2. Having one child in heaven makes Mothers Day bittersweet. But I will try to grasp on to my son, Dustin, and love and cherish him as long as I live until the one day when I will have a Mothers Day in heaven too:) I love my sons on this Mothers Day and every day. I am blessed to have Dustin and blessed to have had Shane. Dustin Dwayne Ellis and Shane Ryan Ellis...(((((HUGS)))))

I Wish...

It always amazes me how you think that people in your life knows how deep your loss is. You think they would always remember it. But then there are times when you feel like they have totally forgotten. Forgotten just the little things are that are so very hard for you to do. That movie you keep for years, but could never watch again because the last time you watched it you watched it was with your son. Or that place you spent so many moments at and you can hardly breathe when you go back there. Or how you hang on to things of his merely because you can't stand the thought of anyone else having it. How can you really expect them to know. Know your pain, your loss as you do. They are not the ones who lost a child. The one who struggles blindly to get through life without them. Their everyday life has not changed. They feel the loss, but tend to forget those things that, I suppose, they think you should be over all ready. I don't know, I just wish.

Every Day

I read my niece, Sasha's Blog tonight and her story touched me so much! Please read it below

On the way to school yesterday morning, the song "Everyday" by Rascal Flatts came on the radio, and I thought of my mom and aunt Dana. I always think of them when I hear that song. I think about how my aunt has pulled through so much in the last decade (and her entire life), and how strong she is. I think about my mom and aunt's relationship. They always stand beside each other, through young and old, thick and thin...every phase of life, every day, they have saved each other.I can only hope that you have a 'someone' like that, someone who saves your life every day.The song also made me think of a dream I had just two nights ago. I was with my aunt Dana in a room with only one window. I could not see out of the window because she had tacked so many pictures of Shane all over it. She was completely estatic, the happiest I have ever, ever seen her. She kept talking about how she was going to see her Shane soon, and she could not compose herself, she was so excited. Shane was coming to get her anytime, and I told her I didn't want her to go, but she was so happy that I let her.The thought of who will be there when we leave this world makes death seem so much less frightening. I know Shane will be waiting behind the white picket fence of heaven, smiling at her, just as anxious to see his mommy again.