My day started with a visit to the cemetery. As I pulled up I noticed a van that looked like my moms. I pulled up just behind it and as I took a glance in her rear view mirror, I realized it wasn't my mom. I headed to Shane's grave and started to pull out some of the grass that was left behind from mowing, before I put some things on his grave that I purchased. As I was pulling the weeds, I noticed that the van was still sitting behind me and I heard the women inside silently weeping. I turned around to look and as I did, she said she was the aunt of my new daughter-in-law and her mother is barried right behind Shane. Her mom had only been gone for only 1 1/2 years. I asked her if I could give her a hug. She said "sure" as she got out of the van, we immediately embraced, holding each other and crying for several seconds. We shared stories of our losses. A mother who has lost a child and a child who has lost a mother. Mothers day is hard on both. I will always remember the moment we shared at the cemetery. After she left I cleaned up Shane's grave as I would clean his room. I placed a big blue butterfly above his grave and lit a candle.
I cried all the way home and decided I had alot to do so I need to get it together...
I turned on the TV in the kitchen just to distract myself from the sadness I was feeling and when I turned on the TV the movie "August Rush" had just started. Now I have vowed I would never watch this movie..The title alone terrified me because I lost Shane in August. I knew the movie was about an 11 year old boy who spent his life in an orphanage and though music tried to find his parents. With music being a big part of Shanes life, I felt the movie could be way to emotional for me, so I pretty much avoided it. I grabbed the controller and I couldn't change the channel...I found myself sitting there through the whole movie crying my heart out. When the movie was over I realized that Shane wanted me to watch this movie....To close my eyes and hear the music. When I feel and hear the music in all the things around me he will be there.
Today was a very hard day, but at the same time I was very blessed.
Fw:
10 years ago
1 comment:
I read all three. I still know I will never ever totally understand your pain. But you pain is my pain and your loss is my loss. I lost a loving nephew I know and I mourn for myself. But you lost so much more your son. A precious existance in your life. A jell that was the center of your family. A sweet precious loving tender spirit that this world is not a better place without and for all this and because he is gone and your pain never ends and will never end until you hold him in glory! I mourn all the more. You say I am comfort but I don't always do and say the right things. Sometimes I want to sit and hold you and just let you cry the way you want to hold and comfort your Shane. I feel like you are the other half of me. I wish I had the power to ease your pain. The one thing I hold to is the gifts that God has given you and us to know that he has Shane that he is safe in his arms. I am sorry that you hurt so much. I am really sorry you had to lose your precious Shane and I want you to know I love you very very much!
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