Today my stepsister, Michelle, spent some time with me. She lost her son, Evan, last August. We discussed that very first painful first year. As I told her what I could to comfort her, I also could not go there in my mind for fear that I may be sick. The first year of the loss of a child is probably the most painful time of all. She asked me if she will ever come out of the box that she was in. I could only say you may fling one leg over. Some days you may fall completely back into the box, but you will never come completely out of the box. Your loss will always be a part of you and she will forever be changed. But I assured her that nothing is as painful as that first year of loss. The pain will always be there, but it will not be so raw.
Maybe I didn't tell her what she wanted to hear. I remember reaching out to everyone and everything I could to find someone to lessen my pain. No one could. I guess my best advice is you have to just go through it and hope somehow you survive.
I told her she needed to take care of herself first and foremost. Do what she needed just to survive. I have not been really close to my stepsister since I lost my son Shane. I hope the moments we share together help her to move forward with her precious Evan still close in her heart, but I know she still has alot to go through. You never completely recover from the loss of a child, but somehow you learn to live with them in your heart.
4 years ago